DEAR ABBY: I’m a 36-year-old woman in a loveless marriage. We do not spend time together or have sex. For the past four years I have had an affair with a guy from my church. He’s 10 years younger. I know adultery is wrong. I always tell myself this is the last time, but when he wants to meet I don’t have the strength to say no. We have everything going for us in the physically, but we’d never have a lasting relationship.
I need your help/advice on how to say no when you are in love with the person, but don’t want them to know. My lover lost his virginity to me, and I’m having trouble understanding why he still wants to be with me after all of this time. Is it because he knows he can have sex with no commitment, or does he actually care about me but knows he can’t have me all to himself? I am ashamed and looking for a way to JUST SAY NO
DEAR JUST SAY NO: You may be attracted to your lover because you are essentially alone in your marriage. There is a solution for your problems, but it won’t be pleasant. Tell your husband what has been going on and why, and end the marriage.
Once the smoke clears, ask your lover about his intentions, then decide whether to continue seeing him. He may be in love with you, but if he is, the question of whether you love him or whether he’s just a convenience remains. One thing for sure: You are not his sex slave – and when you think you have a better option, you will find the way to “just say no.”
DEAR ABBY: I work at a large suburban hospital, and there’s an issue that needs to be addressed. Patients walk around with their butts exposed. Patients are always given a second gown to use as a robe, but many of them decide not to use it.