DEAR ABBY: I recently reconnected with an old boyfriend after 30 years, and I’m concerned about what I can only describe as co-dependency between him and his daughter. His wife of 20 years died two years ago after a long illness. He was her caregiver for the majority of those years, along with raising his daughter, who is now 21. He has a granddaughter as well, and they all live together.
When I shared with him that I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for everyone and delicately suggested family therapy, he replied, “Everything will be all right in a while.” The majority of our time is spent with his daughter and granddaughter.
I have expressed my concern to him about spending “together time” as a couple, courting one another while we navigate dating, and emotional and sexual intimacy at this phase in our lives. I am also concerned about him letting the granddaughter engage in adult interactions. There seems to be a lack of “healthy boundaries” in place.
Abby, if everything is going to be “all right,” as he believes, why do I feel like I’m filling an empty space with no foreseeable returns in this family dynamic? – CONFIRMED DIVORCEE FOR NOW
DEAR DIVORCEE: You and your old boyfriend need to have a frank discussion about what you can expect from this relationship. Certain things are private. Courting and emotional and sexual intimacy should take place away from his home – preferably on your turf. If he doesn’t see the wisdom in that and isn’t prepared to compromise, end the “romance” and waste no more of your time.