Today we want to talk about relationships, not with your child but with your spouse or significant other.
We’ve been reading the book “Venus on Fire and Mars on Ice” by John Gray. He’s the guy who told us that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. They come with different ways of looking at the world, mistakenly expecting each other to see the world as they do. “We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different,” he says. “As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.”
His newer book reveals how hormones drive our different perspectives. It incorporates biochemistry to explain why women and men see their relationships and their worlds as they do.
Have you ever felt disconnected or out of sync with your partner? Sure. We all have. Why does she want to always talk about the relationship? Why do you feel criticized and unappreciated when you once felt so valued? Why does she get so upset over nothing?
Your relationship with your partner is critical to your connection with your teen. It makes it that much harder to be a good dad when you are having difficulty with your partner. You have less compassion when you are concerned about not being understood or not having your needs met. You can’t be as connected and available to address your teen’s needs when you’re perplexed or exasperated by your relationship with your partner.
So how do we overcome the challenge of establishing and maintaining the strong relationship with our partner that will help us be effective fathers?
According to Gray, we need to understand the importance of hormones in our lives, our need to restore them every day and our differing ways of doing that. Women get restored by nurturing and sharing; men retreat and reflect. It’s important to recognize and respect this difference. By doing so, we can create an environment that is supportive and sustaining to each other.
You can take other steps with your partner to ensure you have the capacity to be a good father:
* Maintain outside interests and friendships.
* Schedule some time for yourself.
* Keep up regular exercise, get adequate sleep, and spend some time relaxing.
* Serve a purpose.
* Replenish your spirit by reflecting on your blessings, giving to others and identifying your higher purpose.
Having someone to love and share your life with is the greatest gift. We want to cherish and nurture that bond. Having that relationship in harmony helps you be more centered and operate more effectively as a good partner and an involved dad.
As Gray says, “Seen negatively, differences between men and women can become the force that pushes planets apart. But when Venus and Mars can see their differences appreciatively, the two planets become capable of closer, more harmonious orbit.”
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.