Recently we ran across an article suggesting that children live for the smile of their father. We thought there was power in that sentiment. Dad may not have to utter a word. His smile of approval or delight toward his kids can lift a child higher than any trophy.
We’ve written a lot about how important it is for dad to be present and engaged in his children’s lives. That could well be the 11th Commandment in our way of thinking. However, there can be a pitfall here as well. You’ve no doubt heard it said that the only thing worse for some people than living alone is living with someone and feeling lonely. A home composed of mom, dad and the kids can be like that. It is one thing to be present in the home-it is another thing to pay attention to those who share your life.
A young boy was playing his heart out on the basketball court, primarily because his dad had taken the time to come to his game. The father’s presence motivated the boy to be an even better player. But as the boy dribbled down the court and glanced toward the bleachers, he noticed that his dad was face down in his cellphone, flipping through those ever-so-important messages. The boy was looking for a smile from dad, and all he got was a snub.
Have you ever been in conversation with someone across the table and, as you are answering a question, his or her eyes keep dancing from side to side and over your head? He is present but not engaged with you in conversation. She is putting in her time, satisfying a long-promised lunch date but more interested in everything behind or beside you. Dad, when your teenager asks for your ear, do you give him only your ear or your whole self?
What does being truly engaged with your children mean? For starters, it may be a bigger job than you think. It means establishing a body posture that suggests you’re all in with your kid. Not only does he or she have your ear but your entire countenance the length, breadth and depth of your attention.