DEAR ABBY: I have been married 14 years. My wife is a liar and lies about small things. I realized it 10 years ago and have tried to reason with her. We have two daughters, and the older one also has a habit of lying. Over the last few years I have started calling my wife on it whenever she lies to me. For the last eight months, we have not talked and sleep in different rooms. She has never made an effort to fix our relationship. I want a divorce, but for the kids’ sake I am not talking about it or forcing the issue. I’m very depressed and don’t know what to do. I drink a lot late at night when everybody is asleep. Please advise. – HAD IT IN GEORGIA
DEAR HAD IT: It’s time to take a step back and review what’s happened in the sober light of day. Neither you nor your wife is communicating on a meaningful level. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol won’t fix what’s wrong in your relationship – and neither will tolerating the status quo.
You say you want a divorce, but haven’t mentioned it for your children’s sake; however, the silent anger and hostility in your home isn’t a healthy environment for them. Do you really want them to grow up thinking this is normal?
If you and your wife are concerned about how your behavior is affecting your daughters, start talking with a licensed marriage counselor to see if your marriage can be revived. If it can’t be, then it might be healthier to consult an attorney and make the split as amicable as possible for everyone’s emotional and financial sake.
DEAR ABBY: When my boyfriend, “Alec,” proposed, I happily accepted. But a few months later he came up with the idea to bring his 9-year-old brother, “Shane,” to live with him, so Alec can look after him. Alec thinks the boy will get a better education and improve his behavior if he lives in the city.