It was a great weekend. College football is back! I spent 10 hours in my recliner, watching Southeastern Conference teams and eating anything I could dip into something else. I didn’t get a lick of exercise. I even thought I might hire an illegal immigrant – to carry me from my chair to the ‘fridge and back to my TV – before Donald Trump runs them all out of the country.
After watching both political parties beat each other up, it was nice to watch opposing sides give each other concussions over something other than the Iran nuclear deal and who is waging a war on women. Nothing grabs our interest more than college football punctuated by commercials featuring cleavage, erectile dysfunction pills and beer.
After eight consecutive years of Southern teams winning the national championship, Ohio State beat Alabama for the title last year. Afterward, Ohio State increased head coach Urban Meyer’s annual salary to $6.5 million. Universities make hundreds of millions in football revenue, but they still do not pay the players – proving Southerners’ point that the North fought the Civil War over secession and not to end slavery.
When Ohio State won with a third-string quarterback last year, Coach Meyer said, “He does not know the meaning of the word ‘fear.'” Based on his SAT verbal score, he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of other words, either.
The last time a non-Southern team won the title was after the 2004 season, when USC beat Oklahoma. USC was then stripped of the title for using a player later ruled ineligible, Reggie Bush, who was punished by the NCAA and forced to date Kim Kardashian. The tainted national title was then offered to Auburn and other SEC schools, who refused it. As a matter of political principle, Southern states don’t like handouts.