DEAR ABBY: My sister, who had epilepsy as a small child in the 1970s, now uses her disease as a weapon against the rest of the family. I am at my wits’ end about what to do about the way she mistreats our 83-year-old mother. She no longer is treated for epilepsy, and her childhood memories about the way she was treated are wrong. If anything, she was spoiled and babied far too long because of her sickness. She claims she has PTSD, uses pot to self-medicate and refuses to go to a doctor for help. Instead she blames everyone else for her “terrible childhood.”
My other two siblings and I do not agree with her that she grew up in a “broken home.” She continually rehashes misremembered things from 50 years ago and uses them for fuel to rationalize why she is so messed up. Her mental illness is getting worse, and it’s affecting everyone around her. I love her, but I can’t stand to be around her anymore. Should I encourage Mom not to have any more contact with her? Please help. – INTOLERABLE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR INTOLERABLE: Your sister appears to have more wrong with her than her history of epilepsy. You should share this fact with your mother if she is being emotionally abused. If you feel the abuse extends further than that, a place to safely report it would be the Eldercare Locator helpline (800-677-1116). It will then be up to your mother to decide how much exposure to this troubled daughter she is willing to tolerate.
DEAR ABBY: As a first-time mom, I am a late bloomer. My daughter turns 1 in a few weeks. We are thankful to be able to have a first birthday party celebration for her. Quite a few people are coming. After not being able to have a baby shower because of the pandemic, this will be the first gathering having anything to do with my only child.
My question is, do we open gifts at the party? My concern is, it’s already a lot for a 1-year-old, and forcing her to open presents with people staring at her seems daunting. Will people get bored watching that?