DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for three. I had an affair a little over a year ago that he found out about. He has let me back into the house, but he demeans my character at every opportunity. I don’t fight back because I know I am the cause of his pain.
We have a 3-year-old daughter, and I am now six weeks pregnant with his child. I do not want to argue with him, because if I had been a better wife, he would not be so angry. But the hurt I feel from his words over the past months is weighing heavily on me, especially with my new hormones. I’m holding it in, but should I leave? Become a single mother? How can I get him to a counselor? – NEEDS COUNSELING
DEAR NEEDS: I do not mean to minimize your infidelity, but you had better take a stand and give your husband an ultimatum: Heal the marriage through marriage counseling, or you leave. Be prepared to follow through, because without professional intervention nothing will change. The situation you describe is unhealthy not only for you and your unborn child but also for your little girl. Your daughter should not be raised to think that this toxic environment is normal.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a lesbian and have been in a relationship with a woman for two months now. She never offers to pay for our dates, and she hasn’t planned or executed one, either. We’re both very feminine, although she would be considered slightly more so than I am. I feel this is important because I’m somehow the more dominant one. How can I address this concern without hurting her? I would like her to reciprocate somewhat. – DOMINANT IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DOMINANT: Address the imbalance in your relationship by being straightforward about it. Good manners dictate that when someone has been asked out, treated, etc., that person should reciprocate. Because that’s not happening, you need to discuss it with her. To do so isn’t hurtful; it’s common sense, because unless you do, this pattern will continue.