Dave Letterman’s Top 10
Top 10 excuses for missing Thanksgiving dinner with your family (from 2013 archives) 10. “Thanksgiving? We did that last year.” 9. “The flight I never booked was canceled.” 8. “Not comfortable with Grandma and Grandpa’s open marriage.” 7. “Still serving that life sentence.” 6. “Too thankful to leave the house.” 5. “Saving strength for our Christmas screaming match.” 4. “Obamacare website screwed up my car rental.” 3. “Couldn’t think of a costume.” 2. “I prefer the food at the strip club.” 1. “When I agreed to attend I was high on crack.” Source: “Late Show With David Letterman”
Wing it
A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded.
He raved to his friends, “I’ve done it. I’ve done it. I finally bred a turkey with six legs!”
“That’s wonderful news,” said one. “How does it taste?”