DEAR ABBY: My son, a widower with boys, ages 6 and 9, just told me his 33-year-old girlfriend, “Karen,” is pregnant and due in five months. He started seeing her three months after his wife died. They have been an item for eight months. She stays at his house every weekend and plans to move in soon. Karen has never been married and has no children, so she will become a stepmom and a new mom in a short period of time. Neither my son nor Karen seems to realize how difficult it will be to bring a stepparent into this situation, especially with a new baby. One of the boys will have to give up his bedroom when the baby arrives. I’m concerned the boys will be overwhelmed, since they have not yet been able to effectively deal with the death of their mother. I think this relationship has moved too fast. They seem clueless about how this will affect the boys. My son told me I need to “get over it, it’s his life and his kids.” Is there anything I can do to help the boys adjust to the new situation? – WISE LADY
DEAR WISE LADY: You do not mentioned that the boys are depressed or acting out. They probably like Karen or the relationship wouldn’t have lasted as long as it has. In trying to be helpful you may have come across as judgmental. If that’s true, apologize to your son and suggest that if the adjustment becomes difficult for his boys, a family therapist could help to nip any problems in the bud. Then cross your fingers and hope it isn’t necessary.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. Half of his family are smokers. Every year, there is a family gathering at his dad’s house. Since the birth of my first child, smoking has become forbidden in that home.
This year, however, the party will be held at the home of another where smoking is permitted.
I can’t handle smoke. It gives me a sore throat, and I cough for a week after exposure. Because of my reaction and for the health of my children, I don’t want to go. When we get home we have to immediately shower and launder our clothing to get rid of the smell.