DAVE LETTERMAN’S TOP 1010. Tells you to open your eyes and say “Ahh.”9. Reeks of ether.8. Keeps calling you “Four Eyes.”7. Asks which image is better: him with or without a moustache.6. Says, “Be right back,” then walks into a wall.5. Instead of eye chart, has you read a filthy limerick.4. Every couple minutes, tells you to spit in a bowl.3. Promises if surgery fails, a new eye will grow in.2. Dilates your ears.1. You complain of dry eyes; he moistens them with his tongue.
Irish oddity
An American tourist is sitting a bar in Ireland, sipping his pint, when suddenly a man wearing a full-body white Morphsuit, tweed jacket and a deerstalker hat walks in. He walks straight up the wall, across the ceiling and back down the wall toward the bar.
He points towards the Jack Daniel’s and puts up two fingers. The barman pours a double.
In one swift motion, he downs it, walks back up the wall, across the ceiling, down the other wall and out the door.
The tourist turns to the barman and says, “That was a bit odd, wasn’t it?”