Late Night Laughs
Current events› According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie. — Seth Meyers› We’re just five days away from Super Bowl 51! And a new poll finds that the majority of Americans want the Atlanta Falcons to win. But lately we’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what the majority of Americans want. — Jimmy Fallon› Tom Brady said that he’s banned his dad from talking to the media after he spoke out against NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Tom is so embarrassed, this Sunday he’s making his dad drop him off a block away from the Super Bowl. — Jimmy Fallon› BlackBerry just announced that it’s releasing a new phone next month that has a physical keyboard. Experts are calling it the biggest tech news of 2006. — Jimmy Fallon› Starbucks and Amazon are partnering to make it possible for Alexa to place your coffee order for you. All you have to do is use the simple voice command, “Alexa, I’m pathetic.” — Conan O’Brien› The world’s first supermarket chain to only sell vegan foods, which was called Veganz with a “z,” has announced they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket said, “Well, we’re a vegan supermarket.” — James Corden› Turns out you can buy vegetables at any supermarket. But maybe it was destined to fail. Critics say the business plan was weak. Probably from a lack of iron. — James Corden› There was a crazy story out of Venezuela. A 25-year-old woman was arrested after attempting to break her boyfriend out of prison by smuggling him in a suitcase. The warden said it was an “open-and-can’t-quite-get-it-shut case.” — James Corden› Honestly, that’s just impressive. Don’t put that guy in prison. Put him in Cirque du Soleil! But prison officials were not amused, and they sentenced him to 10 years of solitary confinement. In a fanny pack. — James Corden› The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, “Yeah, last year’s after-party got pretty wild.” — Seth MeyersSource: www.newsmax.com
Lisa DentonBag and belt, ball and chain
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whom he knew to be a bit of a chauvinist, what he was buying his wife for Valentine’s Day.
Tony answered, “I got her a belt and a bag.”
“That sounds nice,” said Jim, a little surprised. “You must really know her fashion sense.”