Punchlines

Late Night Laughs

Keeping Up With the Candidates› In an upcoming interview with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, Donald Trump tells her that although they’ve reconciled their feud, “this could happen again.” Especially if Megyn Kelly continues to stubbornly insist on being a woman. — Conan O’Brien› Donald Trump is now saying that his proposed ban on Muslims was “just a suggestion.” Then he admitted his presidential campaign is “just a bar bet.” — Conan O’Brien› Here in California, a white supremacist has resigned from being a Donald Trump delegate. When asked why, the white supremacist said, “Because that guy’s crazy.” — Conan O’Brien› During the Republican convention in Cleveland [Ohio], an artist is going to photograph 100 nude women to make a statement. The statement is, “This is the only way to get people to Cleveland.” — Conan O’Brien› [Paul] Ryan is not the only one who seems to be changing his mind about Trump. Former presidential candidate John McCain stated this week that he thinks Donald Trump could be a “capable leader.” John McCain spent several years in a Vietnam prison, and now saying “Donald Trump is capable” sounds like the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. — James Corden› I’m sorry, but saying Donald Trump could be a capable leader is not very reassuring. If you are about to have an operation and they tell you that your doctor could be a capable surgeon, you would be like, “You know what? It was a minor heart attack. I’m good. Don’t worry.” — James Corden› Donald Trump is the presumptive GOP nominee, but there are a few people he still has to win over. For instance, everyone in the GOP. — Stephen Colbert› MSNBC had a countdown clock to the meeting [between Donald Trump and Paul Ryan] this morning where no cameras were allowed and after which we learned nothing. “Jim, can we put up my countdown clock of how much longer we all have to pretend this was news?” That was a long three seconds. — Stephen Colbert› RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said yesterday that Donald Trump will “have to answer for” his behavior towards women. Said Trump, “I’ll have my girl write something up.” — Seth Meyers› Former Republican hopeful John Kasich said today that “somebody” had called him to encourage him to run as a third-party candidate, but declined to say who. Oh my God, John, the calls are coming from inside the house! — Seth MeyersSource: www.newsmax.com