Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis was walking down the street when he heard it — the blood-curdling sound of children being ruthlessly exposed to diversity.
Faster than you can say, “political hack,” he ducked behind a handy mango tree. Moments later, gone was the mild-mannered governor of a great Southeastern state. In his place, clad in the teal unitard and pink cape that strike terror in purveyors of compassion everywhere, stood … Captain Florida!
Wasting not an instant, the sunshine avenger scanned the horizon with his opportunistic vision until he spotted the source of the sound. There, in a middle school classroom, the Woke Monster towered over two boys.
“You know,” the Woke Monster was saying, “it shouldn’t matter if another kid is gay or transgender, should it? What matters is what kind of person they are.”
The boys never got to respond, because at that precise moment, Captain Florida came crashing through the window. “Eat restrictive legislation!” he cried as he slugged the Woke Monster.