Our country is facing a serious problem: The environment seems to be getting cleaner and animals are prospering.
With much of the world sheltering in place during the coronavirus pandemic, so-called scientists have noticed a pronounced drop in air pollution. Various forms of wildlife have been spotted venturing into areas previously occupied by people.
This is, of course, an outrage. And it poses a direct threat to the sensible, long-standing conservative belief that environmentalists are stupid, climate change is a hoax and humans are in no way harming the planet.
It must be stopped. We simply cannot allow the hippies and liberals to be correct.
Here are just a few examples of how the coronavirus shutdown is knocking down decades of Republican talking points.
The Associated Press reported the following disturbing details: “Smog stopped choking New Delhi, one of the most polluted cities in the world, and India’s getting views of sights not visible in decades. Nitrogen dioxide pollution in the northeastern United States is down 30%. Rome air pollution levels from mid-March to mid-April were down 49% from a year ago. Stars seem more visible at night.”
Visible stars? What’s next? Sea birds denied their God-given right to a protective coating of crude oil?
Jason Samenow, a meteorologist and weather editor at The Washington Post, wrote Wednesday: “Data shows local pollution amounts now at their lowest levels in at least 25 years. The drop in local pollution mirrors trends seen elsewhere in the United States and other countries where the pandemic has curtailed economies and taken thousands of polluting vehicles off the roads.”
What Samenow calls “polluting vehicles,” most patriotic American know as “freedom machines.” And any serious person knows “pollution” is just a liberal propaganda term for “the sweet smell of capitalism.”
You remember that great conservative, anti-environmentalist treatise “The Lorax” by noted pollution enthusiast Dr. Seuss? It’s the book where the smart capitalist gentleman comes in and takes down all the stupid-looking trees and builds profitable factories and gets rid of the dumb bears and makes all the stupid humming fish clear out so people can get some work done?
The last line reads: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”
That sounded like a pretty solid guarantee. What were the odds anyone would come along and care?
Well, thanks to this tragic break in productivity and general human driving around for no reason, we’re at risk of multiple someones starting to care “a whole awful lot.”
If that happens, you know what comes next? Things might “get better.” THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE!
We need to nip this “nature is making a comeback” nonsense in the bud. We must take concrete steps toward maintaining our dominance over nature and keeping the lefties from winning.
I encourage all patriots to leave their cars idling in the driveway for at least one hour each morning and afternoon. Remove the tires from your neighbor’s Prius and burn them in the backyard, making sure to use a gas-powered fan to blow the smoke toward nearby trees and/or deer.
We must all chip in to remind the earth and its myriad creatures that we’re in charge.
Otherwise, people might start thinking things can get better.
What a mess that would be.
The Chicago Tribune