DEAR ABBY: My husband of 2 1/2 years was having an affair with a much younger woman for what I believe was about two months. I never suspected. It ended because he got caught. I was devastated and asked him to leave that night. He always seemed uninterested in sex, and when we had sex, it was quick. He had difficulty performing so, of course, I was extra shocked.
We went to marriage counseling, which didn’t help. I decided to stay with him, but I’m miserable. I can’t get over the fact that he cheated, and I bring it up all the time. I no longer trust him and wonder why I stay. I love him and I don’t at the same time. I feel stuck.
I was married before, and I feel like a failure. I’m in good physical shape, financially successful and loving. What went wrong? I always felt he was hiding something, but he swears he wasn’t. He says this was the first time he’s cheated on a woman and he was confused. I wish I had the courage to leave, but I feel defeated because I just turned 60. Please help. — DEPRESSED AND HOPELESS IN INDIANA
DEAR D and H: You are not a failure. Your husband is. The surest way to find out what went wrong and begin rebuilding your self-esteem would be to discuss this entire scenario by yourself with a licensed marriage and family therapist. The reason you haven’t left this marriage may be that you are self-conscious about your age or think nothing is worse than being alone. Life does not end at 60, and this is worse than being alone.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 55-year-old with five siblings. I don’t live close to any of them. They live reasonably close to each other. I’m in regular contact with all of them.