DEAR ABBY: We were a male couple in our 70s, together for 21 years, before my husband, “Charles,” died of COPD three weeks ago. For more than four years, I watched his health and quality of life decline until he finally had had enough and chose hospice. In less than 24 hours, he was gone.
He chose his way out, and for his sake, I’m thankful, but the pain I’m feeling is incredible. Each person grieves in their own way in their own time, and my friends and family have been amazing. I know Charles would want me to live my best life, and to honor him, which is exactly what I plan to do. The amount of paper and legal work is suffocating, but we are all getting through it.
During this time, I had expected to lean on our precious dog for comfort, but now he also will be taken from me. The vet just diagnosed him with liver cancer, and he has maybe four months to live. I’m numb and feel like a stranger in my own body. I know I’m strong enough to grieve them both, but at the same time, I am scared to death of being single again (note I didn’t say alone, because I am not). Please give me some guidance. — TOTALLY LOST RIGHT NOW
DEAR TOTALLY LOST: I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. That your dog you were depending upon for support through this difficult time is now terminally ill has only added to your pain. It’s understandable that you feel disoriented and numb. You will work your way through this. The passage of time helps.
That you are not alone now is a blessing. Be glad you have the estate to settle because it will help you stay busy and, for short periods of time, will keep you focused on something other than the ache you are feeling. Do not jump into a new romance because you are afraid of being single! You will make your way through this by being patient with yourself and allowing your friends to step up until you are strong enough to stand by yourself. If you need extra support, ask your doctor to refer you to a grief support group.