DEAR ABBY: My partner, “Josh,” and I (we’re both male) have been together for two years. We met while living in LA and were fortunate to be accepted to grad schools in NYC. We’re not living together now as our schools are in different boroughs, but we see each other most weekends.
Recently, Josh has been trying to make more friends, as our social network seems more heavily skewed toward people from my circles (school, past work, etc.). I have the benefit of living on a grad school campus with in-person classes. Ninety percent of my peers are within the three buildings around me. Josh’s school has more students spread around Manhattan.
I’m trying to figure out how I can support him making friends organically while not feeling like I’m ignoring him or missing out on time with him. We communicate well, and I’ve asked how I can help him, or if I should give him more space (i.e., not come over some weekends to give him more free time to make plans with other people), but he gets upset at me not being around when I could be.
I’m not sure how to support his social growth. I’ve tried suggesting he join student groups, take in-person classes rather than hybrid or online, join local events and groups, etc., but he seems resistant. What should I do? — OUT OF IDEAS IN THE BRONX
DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: You and your partner have very different personalities. It should be apparent that Josh likes being a part of your circle to the point that he doesn’t want to build one of his own. He also may feel more confident when you are close by.