I wish:
› That everyone stays safe this Christmas, both from crime and from dinner table conversations with family. A good way to save money on Christmas gifts is to discuss politics. My Druncle Mac used to drink stuff that not only hit the spot but would also remove spots. I do miss my Druncle Mac and his boozy political rantings. I learned to approach a gun and an uncle the same way: Just assume they are loaded.
› Norman Lear had not died. Comedy is being killed by the left, of which he was once an important part by using smart satire to help us understand the world. His obit should have said, “Norman Lear was preceded in death by his wife and by Americans’ ability to laugh at ourselves.”
› There were fewer “historic firsts” from this woke administration. Enough already. In another historic first under Joe Biden, Lia Thomas became the first NCAA female swimmer who could write her name in the snow.
› The bitter Liz Cheney would go away. She, Rep. Eric Swalwell and Rep. Adam Schiff vie to be the worst people in America. They have been good friends for years, dating back to their college theater class where they studied Manufactured Drama together.
Biden was not hurt when a drunk driver hit an SUV in his motorcade this week. Biden was seen walking toward the street when this happened. He must have thought he heard an ice cream truck.
› Our political gerontocracy, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden, well. They are about Mick Jagger’s age and can hardly function. Jagger sings and dances for two hours on stage in every show. I don’t think enough medical research has been done on the long-term benefits of booze when combined with sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
› The Wall Street Journal reported that soaring inflation is the top concern among women. In England, a man was arrested for offering a girl food for sex. He is being charged with one count of online dating.
I wish:
› Art Blank would sell the Falcons; he is a horrible owner. If he tried to pass the buck, he’d probably get intercepted. Blank seldom drafts SEC players, and he meddles like a helicopter mom. He has more baby mamas than his players.
And on another NFL note, the Kansas City Chiefs lost back-to-back to the Bills and Packers. I hear Taylor Swift is exploring a late season trade.
› Crime in Democratic-controlled cities would dissipate. Right now the Christmas Advent calendar for Atlanta has most windows boarded up with plywood. During my last year in Atlanta, I slept in a hoodie and COVID-19 mask. That way, when my home was invaded, I could pop out of bed and they’d think I was a part of the crew.
The perpetual nanny state, California, has a new law requiring stores that sell boy and girl dolls to have a separate section for gender neutral or fluid dolls. What a perfect spot for the Tom Cruise doll.
Not to ruin your Christmas, but we tell the kids that Santa “sees you when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” That sounds way too much like Bill Cosby.
Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, author and TV/radio commentator, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on X (formerly Twitter).