I am happier as a single mother than I ever was as a married one. Despite the fact that 47% of Americans think single mothers are bad for society, becoming one made my life and my children’s lives much better. This was made clear to me during the COVID-19 shutdown, when my kids were in third grade and kindergarten and Zoom school would often drive all three of us to tears. I was making near poverty-level wages, still trying to dig myself out of the debt of divorce and the cost of living.
At one point a friend texted me to ask how things were going. “I can’t imagine doing this pandemic as a single mother,” she said.
I took a breath and looked around my house. The light was pouring in through the windows, my cat was asleep on my lap. I was working hard and exhausted and afraid. But I was also so happy because for the first time in my life, I had the space to do the work I loved.
Court-mandated 50/50 custody meant my ex was doing his share of the online schooling and child rearing.
Single mothers have been blamed for everything including crime rates, school shootings and poverty. Alone and without a man, they are the specter of our cultural anxiety. People wring their hands and wonder who their sons will look up to without husbands around. As if sons can’t love and admire their mothers and see them as models for humanity.