My 5-year-old has attended five funerals of loved ones in his short life. I wish I could say these experiences didn’t bother him, but they did and still do. He often asks questions about death, our beliefs around what happens when we die and why so many people are “buried in boxes in the ground.” Because of this, Memorial Day has sometimes been a holiday I don’t explain very deeply to him.
While Memorial Day holds a deep significance in our country, the meaning of the day can sometimes be challenging to convey to children. Here are some thoughtful ways to celebrate and discuss Memorial Day with children so they can better understand why we honor and remember those who have sacrificed their lives in service to our country.
First, it’s essential to tailor the conversation to the child’s age and maturity level. Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, president of the Child Mind Institute, suggests using clear, simple language for younger children. Explain that Memorial Day is a special day to remember people who were very brave and helped protect us. For older children, you can discuss more detailed historical context and the importance of military service.
Another very effective approach is storytelling. Sharing stories about real people and their contributions can make the concept more relatable and impactful. If you have relatives or friends who served in the military, share these experiences and relationships through stories. Dr. David Schonfeld, director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement, says telling stories about soldiers’ bravery and sacrifice can help children understand why we honor individuals on Memorial Day.
Also, it’s important to involve children in Memorial Day traditions. Attending a local parade or visiting a veterans cemetery can provide a tangible connection to the day’s meaning. Encouraging them to place flags on graves or participate in community events will help to reinforce the significance of those who are honored through this holiday. You can also include art activities to guide children in their expression of respect and understanding. Making crafts, drawing pictures or even writing letters to veterans are all activities that can help children process their emotions and feelings around Memorial Day, especially if you encourage them to embrace the bravery of those who served.
As a family, we don’t have many set Memorial Day traditions, but we often take the time to gather, play games and visit the graves of passed relatives — those who served and those who didn’t — to pay respect and share stories. My grandfather and four uncles served in the military for nearly five decades. I often discuss their service and commitment with my son and the blessing it was to have them return home.
Sharing the lives and values of those my children knew or have some knowledge of makes it easier to discuss the overall sacrifice of those who lost their lives for our freedom. May we never forget and may we never fail to pass on the significance of this day.
Lauren Hall is president and CEO of family advocacy nonprofit First Things First. Email her at lauren@firstthings.org.
Lauren Hall