DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Virginia,” age 27, lives with her boyfriend, “Ray,” on the East Coast and teaches kindergarten. Last month, she confided that she had caught him cheating. She saw texts on his phone. When she confronted him, Ray immediately confessed and was very apologetic, but he also kept the woman’s number in his phone.
Ray will soon be moving to another state, and her job will end in about three weeks. Virginia is seriously considering going with him and has also mentioned marriage. Her mother and I are divorced due to her mother’s infidelity, but we agree that we will counsel her not to stay with him. Although he took responsibility, cheating is destructive in any serious relationship.
I have gone back and forth with Virginia via email, but sometimes she stops communicating. I haven’t been harsh, but I did ask her why Ray would keep the other woman’s number unless he wanted to remain in contact with her.
Can you think of anything else a worried dad can do to help the situation? Obviously, Virginia can ignore parental advice and do what she wants. I am also wondering what I can say to Ray when I see him next. I neither want to give him a pass nor condemn him as a monster. — STRONG DAD IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DAD: Talk with your daughter, face-to-face if possible. Tell her that, as an adult, she can do what she wants, but as a caring parent, you cannot stay silent. Remind her that Ray KEPT THE OTHER WOMAN’S NUMBER, which means he intends at some point to contact her. Explain that, to you, this means he is less committed to your daughter than he should be.