DEAR ABBY: I am a troubled older man. I was married with three children, but I drank too much. My wife and I divorced after 20 years of marriage. We were both flawed. I have been remarried and divorced since.
My children grew up, and we had a great relationship. I also had a great relationship with my grandchildren as well. Then, 10 or 12 years ago, my first wife began talking bad about me, telling stories of when I was younger. Some of them are accurate, but many are embellished. My oldest daughter joined her mother in the storytelling.
Over the past 41 years, I have had 40 years of (nonconsecutive) sobriety. I am 21 years sober at present. Those stories have grown to monumental proportions, and two of my children and several of my grandchildren no longer want to have contact with me. They say “a toxic person never changes.”
I have always worked, never been arrested, retired from a company, had a lifetime of volunteer activities in my community and am respected by most of my peers. I miss my family. What can I do? — LONELY IN MISSOURI
DEAR LONELY: Your ex-wife has told these tales because she has an ax to grind. Her motives are not pure. Your oldest daughter probably witnessed some of the outrageous behavior you exhibited when you drank while she was quite young. If those are her memories of you, she has a right to repeat them.