Late Night Laughs
Current events› A Texas man went on a date to see “Guardians of the Galaxy 2,” and is now suing his date for texting during the movie. He thinks he can sue her for texting. Who does this man think he is — the guardian of the Samsung Galaxy? — James Corden› The man said texting during a movie is “one of my biggest pet peeves.” Now, pet peeves are not what lawsuits are for. You don’t sue someone because they say expresso instead of espresso. — James Corden› It’s going to make it very hard for him on future dates. It’s going to be like, “So how did your last relationship end”? And he will be like, “On an episode of ‘Judge Judy.’” — James Corden› A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. — Seth Meyers› Following salmonella outbreaks across the country, the Centers for Disease Control is urging chicken owners to stop snuggling with their birds. Though if you’re snuggling with chickens, salmonella is, like, your fifth biggest problem. — Seth MeyersSource: www.newsmax.com
Foresight
Two Yankee boys driving through the South are stopped by a state trooper. The trooper walks up to the open driver’s window, reaches in and slaps the driver on the side of his head.
“What did you do that for?” the driver asks.
“I don’t know how y’all do it up North, but here in Alabama, you have your driver’s license ready when I walk up to the car.”