DEAR ABBY: My friend “Kate” has had a lot of trauma in her life. She has experienced assault, suicide of a close friend, death of several family members, discovered she can’t have children, and managed to escape an abusive relationship in the last five years or so.
Kate does all the things people are supposed to do when coping with grief and is doing very well. The problem is me. I find it hard to be around her because of all the drama. Intellectually, I understand none of this is Kate’s fault. She isn’t being attention-seeking or deliberately causing drama. But I find myself becoming impatient with her ongoing discussion of feelings. I’m not someone who feels deeply or is easily traumatized. Bad things happen, I get over it and move on. How can I learn to be the patient, caring friend she needs? – TRYING TO BE A BETTER FRIEND
DEAR TRYING: Quit being so hard on yourself. You are and have been a good friend. It’s important that you not allow Kate’s burdens to “sink” you. The two of you are very different people, and you should explain that to her as you have to me. If her trauma and drama become more than you can healthfully absorb, step back and tell her you will talk with her later when it is convenient for you both, which will allow you time to come up for air.
DEAR ABBY: I am self-quarantined for a number of reasons because of the virus. I am 87 and live alone. My daughter is very concerned that I not become ill because her husband is in treatment for cancer. Obviously, she doesn’t want to have to come care for me and endanger her husband’s already reduced immunity.
A friend called to ask how I am doing. I told her I was self-quarantined, and she asked if I needed anything. I told her I didn’t have eggs, but it was no big deal. She said she would bring me some. I sent her a text and asked her to leave them on the porch, and she said, “You mean you won’t let me in the house?” She said she isn’t sick and can’t understand why I’m doing this. I tried to explain that you can be contagious without symptoms, but she was still insulted.