DEAR ABBY: A friend recently moved back to his home state. Because he was anxious about leaving, I told him he could stay with me anytime he wanted. I was trying to be nice and calm his nerves, but he has taken me literally and thinks he can come stay whenever he likes.
When he visits, we rarely spend time together outside of my house. He’s off with other friends for dining, boating, etc. (By the way, I know these people, but I’m never invited, which is OK I suppose, but shouldn’t I be?) In addition, he leaves piles of clothes lying around in my living area, along with used tissues and face masks, which seems disrespectful.
Am I wrong to be annoyed? Other friends think I’m being taken advantage of. I would appreciate your thoughts. – TOO NICE A GUY IN GEORGIA
DEAR TOO NICE: Do not blame your friend for taking advantage of the generous offer you made before he moved. And no rule of etiquette dictates that you should be included on his outings with others if he’s an invited guest. (It would have been thoughtful had he suggested it, however.) I do think you are overdue in having a talk with him about the clothes, used face masks and tissues “lying around.”
The bottom line is, do you feel you are being taken advantage of? If the answer is yes, speak up and express that while you don’t mind him staying with you occasionally, he should not assume your house is his pad in town.