DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a beautiful 30-year-old son, “Caleb,” who’s married, employed and happy. We have a close relationship, and he thinks Mom and Dad (married 35 years) are awesome. He was also close to his “perfect” grandma, who died recently. He adored her, and she loved and spoiled him.
What he doesn’t know is Grandma was a horrific parent who left my cold, heartless dad to marry another man, breaking up the family. Mom pushed me to graduate from high school early, forcing me into college when I wasn’t prepared. I failed, and then she pushed me into a marriage at 20 to an abusive man so she could be alone with her new hubby. I divorced after two years of beatings, which she knew about before the wedding. She was manipulative and selfish even into her last days, which Caleb never saw.
Now Caleb wants me to do one of those “Mom, Tell Me About Your Life” books. I don’t know what to say. Telling him I was previously married will be a jolt, but the “why” questions will be tougher. I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to ruin his image of his grandma. My husband says I should tell him only the basics, but I feel that would be a lie of omission. How do I proceed? — TROUBLED PAST
DEAR TROUBLED PAST: I’m sorry for the loss of your mother, even though you weren’t on good terms. Caleb is old enough to understand your reasons for not wanting to participate in his project. Tell him you and your mom didn’t always get along, and you’d prefer to spare him the unpleasant details. If he persists, add that these memories are painful and you don’t care to relive them.
DEAR ABBY: I thought I was having a private conversation with my husband on my daughter’s porch. My daughter overheard some negative comments I made about her through her new home security system and was extremely hurt.