DAVE LETTERMAN’S TOP 10
Top 10 things you don’t want to hear in a movie preview:10. “In a world where waffles do not exist … “9. “From the director who once met the nephew of the director who brought you ‘The Godfather.’ “8. “Meryl Streep is New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.”7. “Come see the film Entertainment Weekly calls ’97 minutes in length.’ “6. “Starring Tom Hanks, but not that Tom Hanks.”5. “The incredible, true story of a teenager’s monkey, seized by German authorities.”4. “Strap yourself in for two hours you’ll never get back.”3. “Coming soon, another asinine movie about vampires.”2. “Special sneak preview at midnight in my van.”1. “Anthony Weiner in 3-D.”Source: “Late Show With David Letterman”
A dog of a joke
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace.
Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic’s lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.
One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn’t find it for the life of him, so he called it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.