Each December, images of the perfect holiday bombard us: couples kissing over diamond necklaces, extended families enjoying a Christmas feast or small children running excitedly to a mountain of new toys. But for someone experiencing loss – be it from death, divorce or even loss of income – the holidays can be a treacherous time. “The media does a good job of making us feel bad around Christmas,” says Janet Bales, a licensed professional counselor with more than 20 years experience. “But making a life adjustment means you have to find new ways to celebrate the holidays.” Here are some tips on navigating the holidays after a major life change.
Break Tradition
Eating the same food and going to the same places as holidays past can often underscore your sadness. Instead, do something completely different, like taking a trip or combining your celebration with people outside of your family. If loss of income will call for a less lavish celebration, consider volunteering or reaching out to someone else in need. Bales recommends speaking with someone such as a pastor, counselor or friend to help you think of a creative solution. “Sometimes when we’re locked into a stressful, lonely place it’s hard to think outside the box,” she says.
Set the Clock
While the frantic pace of the holidays can actually help stifle sorrow, allowing yourself time to grieve will prevent it from taking you by surprise. Even so, you don’t want to become engulfed by it. Bales suggests allowing 30 minutes to an hour each day to think about your losses. “Set your timer, but once it goes off make a point to say, ‘That’s it. Tomorrow I’ll give myself time again but I will not let my mind stay there because I have things to do.'”
Reach Out to Others
While it might sound counterintuitive, one of the best ways to deal with depression is to help someone else. “Anytime we reach outside of ourselves, even in the midst of our own sadness, it helps and enhances our healing process,” says Bales. She advises trying at least one thing a day, even if it’s just saying kind words to someone or writing a note. Pets can also provide great companionship and stress relief. If you don’t want to make a full-time commitment to a furry friend, offer to watch a friend’s pet while they travel over the holidays. Finally, reach out – literally – by giving someone a hug. The embrace will release feel-good endorphins in your brain, says Bales.
Make a Plan
Whatever you do, the most important thing is to make a plan. There are several tactics for dealing with the holiday blues, but all require foresight and preparation. By being proactive, you can have power over your sadness. Make a list of what you value most during the holidays, whether it’s enjoying time at home listening to Christmas carols or taking food to shut-ins, and be sure you enjoy these activities regularly, advises Bales. This will ensure your own fulfillment and prevent holiday burnout.
Need Help?
Depression is often more than just feeling sad. Irritability, fatigue, trouble concentrating, changes in appetite, insomnia or excessive sleeping can all be signs that something’s wrong. If you or a loved one displays any of the above symptoms, consult a doctor as soon as possible. To speak with a licensed mental health professional, contact one of the organizations below or ask a trusted friend or pastor for a referral.
The Lighthouse Counseling and Life Skills Center
7209 Hamilton Acres Circle
423-499-9335
RESPOND Hotline
Available 24/7 through Parkridge Valley Health Facility
423-499-2300
Partnership for Families, Children and Adults
1800 McCallie Avenue
423-755-2822
CBI Counseling Center
1815 McCallie Avenue
423-756-2894