Odds are, it’s logical
Two nuns, who are known as Sister Mathematical and Sister Logical, are walking home, but it is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. Both become concerned when they see that a man is following them.
Sister Mathematical: Have you noticed that that man has been behind us for the past 38.5 minutes? I wonder what he wants.
Sister Logical: It’s logical. He wants to have his way with us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do is to walk faster.
SM: It’s not working.
SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
They split, and the man begins to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical is the first to arrive at the convent, and she worries about has happened to Sister Logical. Soon she sees Sister Logical approach.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened.
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could, and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted up my dress.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down!
(Those of you who thought it would be dirty may pray for forgiveness now.)
Zoo crew
Q: What’s the difference between Northern and Southern zoos?
A: On the cage in a Northern zoo will be the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
Beer smarts
A drunk was staggering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend, who asked, “What do you have in the box?”
“It’s a mongoose.”
“What have you got that for?”
“Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.”
“You, dummy, those snakes are imaginary,” said the friend.
“That’s OK,” said the drunk, showing him that the box was empty. “So is the mongoose.”
Quite the puzzle
A ditzy woman calls her husband at work one day and solemnly tells him, ” I need your help when you get home.”
“Sure,” he replies. “What’s the problem?”
“Well, I started a really hard puzzle, and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”
“Look on the box,” he said. “There’s always a picture of what the puzzle is.”
“It’s a big rooster,” she said.
That evening, the husband arrives home and realizes the situation is more serious than he imagined.
“OK,” he tells his wife, “put the corn flakes back in the box.”
Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and online sites.