There is an important rule when you start dating again after a divorce: Never get dating advice from your mother. In fact, it’s better not to share dating details at all.
My advice harkens back to my teenage years when I was certain that my mother did not understand. The truth is that she did – and she didn’t. Your mother may have heard all the gory details of your court day, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to hear about your sex life.
More important, mothers simply do not understand life after divorced, even mothers who have been divorced themselves. The worst issue? They simply do not understand that, at your age, you are highly unlikely to find a man who has no complications. Twenty-something men have no children, little emotional baggage and don’t pay alimony. Forty-something men do. And if they have never been married – obvious evidence to your mother that he must be perfect – then ask her (and yourself) WHY he’s never been married after all these years. Does he have commitment issues? Is he overly-attached to his mother? Was he in jail?
It’s important to reconcile yourself to the fact that your future man will have complications, and those complications will affect you. He may not be able to love your children as much as his own. He may not be able to bring home much money until his kids have grown up.
Divorced men do, however, have some distinct advantages to the guys you dated in your twenties.
-They are likely to be humbled by their divorce, and less arrogant.
-They have hopefully learned more about how to love a woman, and how not to love a woman.
-They are more likely to have had some psychological counseling to deal with their anger, depression or whatever.
-They know more about parenting than men who have no children.
-They understand why you still have to deal with your ex.
-They have more experience in bed.
Of course, your mother wants the perfect man for you. What she might not understand is that divorce brings a new definition of perfect.