My mother told me not to judge a book by its cover.
I think.
It was either that or the thing about not speaking if you don’t have something nice to say.
My apologies, but I’m going to not listen to my mother right now.
Recently, a book found its way onto my desk. Pictured on the front cover is a somewhat attractive young lady. She is photographed in profile, eyes closed, lips just slightly pursed. Above her head is a thought bubble in which is pictured a wedding ring, house and baby carriage. On the back cover, also in profile, facing the woman, is an equally somewhat attractive young man. He, too, has closed eyes and slightly puckered lips. And yes, he is also dreaming of a wedding ring, house and baby carriage.
The title of the volume is “Meet To Marry: A Dating Revelation for the Marriage Minded.”
I’m not even going to pretend not to judge this book by its cover. And for the record, no, I haven’t read it. The prospect of 250 pages on how to attract a husband, or open myself up to love, or find what I really, truly want is exhausting.
I’m an opinionated woman. In the interest of job security, and because I think there’s dignity in discretion, I keep a lot of my opinions to myself. But I certainly have them. One I will share, however, is this: I don’t believe in looking for love.
Methods to meet a man? Strategic approach to wooing? Following the rules of who calls/texts/Facebooks/singing telegrams and when? Using certain tactics to get a man to propose? No, thank you, indeed.
Admittedly, I’m not coming from a wholly fair place. I’ve never wanted for love in my adult life. I met a guy when I was barely 20 years old, we became friends and it quickly turned to more. I had a boyfriend at the time, making the whole thing messy and inconvenient, but we worked that out.
But if my circumstances were different, I would hope I wouldn’t be fine tuning my man-attracting tactics, but that I’d just continue to be myself, meet new friends, and eventually I would find someone who intrigued me, and whom I hopefully intrigued as well.
I like rules sometimes. I before E except after C, no midriff shirts before age 18 and after age 22, driving within a reasonable margin of the speed limit … but I don’t think rules are very helpful when it comes to love.
Rules like don’t live together before marriage. Statistically, it’s not the best thing to do, but there are certainly people who have long, happy marriages post pre-marital cohabitation. And frankly, I think most of the problem is probably that there are other issues, not that the pair shared a bathroom before “I do.”
Or only marrying someone who is of a certain cultural or religious background. What if you fall in love with someone who thinks differently from you? Sure, if you’re unable to contend with challenge or conflict, it’s best to recognize that, but all relationships will have some sort of conflict, be it what religion you practice or how you load a dishwasher. If it’s vital to you, that’s one thing, but don’t let someone else tell you what your priorities need to be.
You want to know why I ultimately don’t believe in the whole looking for a mate, tactical approach, love is a battlefield method? Because I don’t think anyone is worth the trouble until they’re actually worth the trouble. Relationships can be hard and often are. Falling in love should be easy.
It’s like riding a bike. Who ever had any trouble falling off a bike?