There are three kinds of breakups: There’s the kind where it’s all one person’s fault and he deserves to be drawn and quartered. There’s the kind where it’s completely mutual and everyone still really likes each other. And there’s the kind where there’s no real malice, but everything isn’t all roses and sunshine either.
The third type of breakup is probably the most common, and to those of you couples who are thinking of calling it quits, that’s the kind that is the biggest pain for your friends. I know, priorities, right?
Several years ago, a good friend of mine ended a relationship with a live-in boyfriend after he informed her he’d gotten involved with another woman. Actually, he ended the relationship with her, but the point is, we knew who the bad guy was. There were no torn loyalties, no confusion, no questions.
Most of the time, though, there’s not really one bad guy. Both parties carry a fair amount of the blame. I’ll use my last breakup, in 2000, as an example: He treated me badly, and I subsequently took up with another man behind his back. Neither of us behaved admirably. Fortunately, it was a long-distance relationship, so we really didn’t have mutual friends.
Oftentimes, however, there are mutual friends, and when both parties carry some of the blame in a breakup, well, it can be hard for the people on the sidelines. An old friend called me recently to ask my advice on how to deal with juggling two friends who are going through a split.