Since 1995, the Times Free Press and the two premerger dailies here have together published 286 stories about water parks.
Now, please take a minute and look around. Do you see any water parks? No, you do not.
It’s like I always say: The park isn’t finished until the fat lady puts on her water wings.
Here at the newspaper, I am the official water-park grouch. Any time a reporter files a story about a water park, I roll my eyes and snicker.
I’m actually a big water-park fan. After God, family and Pittsburgh Steelers, water parks are practically my favorite things. My vision of the River Jordan is a lazy river ride ending in a double-loop water slide propelling the righteous right into heaven, lickety-split.