If you’re new to this country or recently emerged from a lifelong vegetative state, don’t be alarmed by the carbohydrate-laced smorgasbord on the plate in front of you.
It’s only Thanksgiving.
Welcome to the national homage to our historic inability to farm properly. Today, to honor that memory, we’ll spend the day yelling at our TVs, binge-shopping and eating food like hedonist gluttons. It makes perfect sense, if you don’t think about it.
And as is usually the case when holiday deadlines loom, this is the time of year when lazy writers take advantage of an easy thematic out by cobbling together columns that fill space effortlessly with lists of “Things I’m Thankful For.”
(Whatever tone of disgust you might have gleaned from that last statement, don’t think for a second that that’s not precisely what I plan to do right … now.)