So often we dads balance on a razor’s edge. “Should I intercept, share an opinion, right a ‘wrong,’ or should I retreat a bit, maintain some distance, and let it develop?” It’s a hard decision, which some would call a Hobson’s Choice, you know, those decisions where neither option is satisfactory.
Bill remembers when he asked his son where he was going to live his sophomore year in college. He was told, “I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.” Bill thought of deadlines for securing campus apartments, the diminishing availability of off-campus housing as the semester approached, security, safety and the high cost of rents. His son thought only of the ideal opportunity landing somehow in his lap just in time for school. Should Bill give his opinion, try to force a decision, encourage a conversation or should he let it develop, trust his son’s methodology, pull back? It was a hard choice — one of many.
We talk to so many dads who balance on the thin edge of a line between stepping in and pulling away. Teens will be faced with many difficult choices. These choices, especially those offered by your child’s persuasive peers, often challenge your own values and beliefs.
We know our teens desperately need our support and advice. While we always want to help our child make the “right” decision, how do we balance our need for involvement with his or her desire for independence? How do you allow space for missteps without fostering misfortune?
First, understand that it is normal for teens to challenge parental values. They need to express their independence even if it is sometimes misguided.