Author Jeanne Phillips, the daughter of the original advice columnist Dear Abby, poses for a photo in Los Angeles, Friday, Oct. 5, 2007.DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from “Open-Minded in Pennsylvania” (3/6), the adoptive mother of a biracial child who asked for a witty comeback for strangers’ comments/questions? This is a rare teaching moment. If a parent reacts with the slightest hint of displeasure, the child will think the parent is displeased with her/him.
We adopted a daughter of a different race 29 years ago. When I received comments/questions from acquaintances and strangers, my face would light up, and I’d respond, “Oh, we adopted her! She is Filipino! We are so blessed to have her in our lives!” Usually, the person would smile and say something positive. The rare times someone didn’t, we would hurry on with a wave and a smile, and I would hug her close.
Our daughter has grown up proud of her ethnic background and knowing she’s special. She is now married and the proud mother of two biracial children. — JUDY IN TEXAS
DEAR JUDY: You handled the situation beautifully. I heard from a slew of adoptive parents after printing that letter. Let me share some of their comments:
DEAR ABBY: When my adopted son from Bogota, Colombia, was about 4 months old, we were shopping for groceries one day. A woman approached our cart and asked, “Where is he from?” I smiled and replied, “Heaven!” — KATHY IN NEW YORK