Does media use really impact marital quality?
This question has been swirling around in the minds of many for more than a decade. Attorneys say they are seeing the use of social media impacting divorce cases now more than ever before, and it is not uncommon at all for couples to argue about media use in a marriage counseling session.
Anybody who eats out would likely say there is no way media use isn’t impacting marriages as they watch couples sit at a table together with both of them on their device instead of talking to each other.
Jeffery Dew, associate professor at Utah State University and his colleague, Sarah Tulane, decided to examine the issue. They conducted a study of more than 1,300 randomly selected married couples and measured their use of television, video games and social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter. The couples rated their marital quality in terms of how happy they were in different areas of their marriage, how often they fought and how likely they thought they were to get divorced.
The findings showed that the more husbands used social media websites, the worse they both felt about their marriage, and both spouses reported more conflict. Women whose husbands spent more time on social media reported lower levels of marital happiness, and both husbands and wives perceived higher levels of divorce likelihood.
It is interesting that the husband’s use of social media appeared to impact marital quality more than the wife’s. Dew and Tulane speculated that, since women use communication to build their relationships more than men do, they see it as just another tool to communicate and connect with others. However, men’s use of social networking sites may violate social norms and expectations about their behavior, which could lead to marital issues.
What can couples do to help ensure their marital quality is not impacted by media?
‘ Make time for face to face conversation. Focusing on your phone, television, Facebook, etc. takes away from truly focusing on each other. While media can be used to communicate with your spouse, there is no substitute for face-to-face conversation.
‘ Pay attention to how much time you spend playing video games individually. When spouses disagreed about how much time the other was spending gaming, marital quality decreased.
‘ Ask each other about how media use affects your relationship. Perhaps it is time to take a break from media and invest that time elsewhere if you see it is a problem.
‘ Establish media-free zones. Too much of anything can be a bad thing. Decide together if certain times or places in your home (like the bedroom) are off-limits for media use. Be accountable to each other.
Just because you are sitting beside each other in the same room doesn’t necessarily mean you are spending quality time together, especially if you both are in your own worlds utilizing media. Take steps to ensure that media doesn’t distract you from the most important relationship in your life.
Julie Baumgardner is president and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at julieb@firstthings.org.