DEAR ABBY: I am a single father of teenage boys. I have always played an active role in my children’s lives, physically, emotionally and financially. My older son lives with me; my younger sons live with their mother.
I am bisexual and have always been attracted to both men and women. It took me a long time to admit it to myself. I suffered from depression for many years as I struggled with my sexual identity. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with HIV. Since then, I have been on medication and live a very healthy lifestyle.
None of my children knows about my sexuality or my diagnosis. I have wanted to tell them for a while now, but I can never bring myself to do it. I’m afraid that if I tell them, they’ll be ashamed of me and it will add unnecessary stress in their lives. On the other hand, I’m tired of keeping secrets. Furthermore, I worry about the possibility that they could find out from someone else.
All four of us will be together for an event in a couple of months. I feel this could be a good opportunity to tell them. Or should I tell them on their own, individually? Am I selfish for wanting to tell my children? Or am I foolish for not telling them? – KEEPING SECRETS
DEAR KEEPING SECRETS: If your children ask you about your health or your sexual orientation, do not lie to them. However, I see no reason for you to make a blanket announcement about this now because I sincerely believe that most young people do not care to know.