DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, “Mark,” for 20 years. My best friend, “Eric,” is a gay man. For some reason, Mark is threatened by my friendship with Eric. Whenever Eric calls or texts, my husband becomes resentful. It has reached the point that I feel like I need to hide phone calls and texts, and sneak around in order to talk to my friend.
I have always been faithful, honest and open with Mark about everything, and I am very uncomfortable having to hide my friendship with Eric from him. Mark does not feel this way about any of my female friends. He’s fully aware of Eric’s sexual orientation, so he knows Eric poses no threat to our marriage.
I don’t understand where the jealousy and resentment are coming from. I don’t want to hurt my marriage. – BOTH WIFE AND FRIEND
DEAR B.W.A.F.: Either your husband is jealous of the time you spend communicating with Eric – time that Mark feels would be better spent with him – or he may not understand the dynamics of a friendship between some gay men and straight women. Sometimes there is a degree of physicality – hugs and kisses – that your husband may mistake for physical attraction.
As to your husband not understanding that Eric poses no threat to your marriage, I’m not sure your assumption is correct. Sneaked phone calls and hidden texts ARE a threat to your marriage.