There is a commercial on television showing a father and his very inquisitive daughter sharing a meal together. Rapid fire, she questions him about why the sky is blue, why zebras have stripes, if turtles like cheese, why she has fingerprints, etc. For each question, the dad gets a little help from an insurance agent who just happens to be seated right behind him. However, when the girl asks her dad where babies come from, the agent asks for his check and quickly disappears.
That one little question can make adults squirm and come up with some of the most creative answers, including eating a watermelon seed that grows in mom’s belly. One mom turned the question back to her daughter, who replied, “When two people love each other, the dad buys a pumpkin seed and gives it to the mom. Then her stomach gets big like a pumpkin!”
While this question might cause tremendous angst for some, it is great that children are actually asking their parents for this information. There is no better person to answer than their parent. Instead of sidestepping the question or giving a crazy answer, use the opportunity to provide enough age-appropriate answers and muster enough boldness to encourage more questions in the future.
Many parents say they want to be the one to teach their children about sex, yet numerous surveys of teens and young adults indicate that television and the internet are their top sources for information and ideas about sex, followed by school, parents and peers.
The best time to start talking with your children about sex is when they are young, even though some parents believe they shouldn’t talk about sex until their child brings up the subject. If you cringe and have a deer-in-the-headlights look at the thought of even talking about sex, your child will likely believe that this topic is off limits.
Experts say parents should begin having age-appropriate conversations with their children around age 6. At this stage, children are often curious about their bodies and why their body is different from their sibling’s. They may even be hearing things from other schoolchildren. It is important that children have accurate information from the person they should be able to trust: their parent. So take a deep breath and wade in the water.
Young children often ask where they came from. For starters, a parent can ask their child where they think they came from. The child might actually be asking where they were born. With a serious sigh of relief, that is easily answered. Another option for 5- and 6-year-olds is to use a book like “Baby on the Way” or “Where Did I Come From?”
For elementary-age children, the focus of these conversations should be on correct names of sexual organs and private body parts, personal boundaries, pregnancy and building healthy relationships. If they are old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to receive correct answers. Be sure to clarify the question and keep your answers age-appropriate, brief and simple. If they want to know more, they will usually ask. Don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers. You can always say, “Let me get back to you about that,” then make sure that you do.
Even though the thought of talking with your child about sex may cause your heart to race and put butterflies in your stomach, they are only asking because they are curious. Parents are their first and best teachers.
Julie Baumgardner is president and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at julieb@firstthings.org.