Barbara Paper knows all too well how mental illness and its societal stigma can impact a family. Her husband and daughter both struggled with mental illness.
Looking back at how she coped, she has published a book to help others facing similar circumstances.
Paper’s late husband Paul suffered from severe depression and self-medicated with alcohol until his death in 1986. Although he was never officially diagnosed, she now believes he may have also had Borderline Personality Disorder, which her daughter has been diagnosed with and has treated successfully with therapy and medication for years.
“It was a great catharsis for me,” Paper said of her decision to write the book. “I sometimes sat writing and crying at the same time. I remember for my husband the good times in the early years. To see him deteriorate in the way we did, and what our life became, was hard. Writing it was hard, but it helped me find my equilibrium and I can feel good knowing I finished it and can use it as a means to educate and help others.”
Her husband’s and daughter’s approaches to dealing with their illness could not have been more different, said Paper. Those stark contrasts are highlighted in “Moon Flyers,” her family’s memoir on their years of coping with mental illness.
“Growing up in the ’50s, who talked about that? It wasn’t in our lexicon,” Paper said of her initial attempts to understand her husband’s, and subsequently her daughter’s, lifelong struggle. “I had to wing it on my own.”
Although stigma surrounding mental illness has diminished over the years through increased education and advocacy groups, Paper said the progress is not enough, and the continued lack of understanding inspired her to share her story.
“I want them to understand that what I went through is not unique to me,” she said. “Families go through these types of situations daily. The people are different but the trauma, drama and frustration of not knowing what to do is hard.
“I learned you have to find humor in some of the most ridiculous situations. You can cope, and you can deal. Among all the chaos and all the trauma and all the drama, you can find humor and happiness and it can keep you on an even keel.”
“Moon Flyers” can be purchased on amazon.com. To learn more about Paper, visit her website: barbaravpaper.com.
Email Gabrielle Chevalier at gchevalier@timesfreepress.com.