Lisa Denton and Barry Courter
LISA DENTON: Barry, I have found the perfect entry into showbiz for one of us – and probably you. Opera Tennessee, the company formerly known as Artisti Affamati (Starving Artists), is producing Puccini’s “Gianni Schicchi” this week and next, and they need someone to play the silent role of Buoso Donati.
BARRY COURTER: So far I’m qualified… tell me more.
LISA: See, that’s the problem for me. It’s a silent role. And not simply silent – you have to be able to lie still and play dead for 90 minutes, “despite opera singers constantly invading your bed space.” That could also be a problem. I don’t think I can keep a straight face that long.
BARRY: There is a good time to laugh when someone invades your bed space and a bad time. Don’t ask me how I know this.
LISA: Anyway, I’m holding out for a role where I get to wear the metal breastplate with a cone bra and the horned helmet with dangling hair braids.
BARRY: I can see you as Brunhilde. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. Though obviously Elmer Fudd owns the whole character wearing a breastplate and horned helmet in an opera. “Kill the wabbit” and all that.
LISA: It costs a $100 donation to the company for the chance to be chosen for one of the four performances, but it seems totally worth it to me. I mean, it’s not often that a person can be applauded for playing dead in bed. Don’t ask me how I know that.
What else is going on?
BARRY: I know we saw them during their last visit here, but I want to revisit the “Nina” and “Pinta” when they dock at Ross’s Landing for 2 1/2 weeks. I used to think being stuck in a station wagon with my siblings for 10 hours on the way to my grandmother’s house was the greatest hardship a human being ever undertook. I can’t imagine crossing the ocean in one of these ships like Christopher Columbus and his men did. I bet the Wi-Fi reception was horrible.
LISA: I bet they didn’t care where they landed. New World, Old World, Disney World. Just get us off this boat.
Actually, they’re called caravels, and Columbus made four voyages totaling 12 years on ships like these. Except these have bathrooms and the larger ship, “Pinta,” has a gift shop aboard. They’ll be open every day through Nov. 28 (closed on Thanksgiving Day), and you can do guided or self-guided trips between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.
I also learned that you can volunteer to be a deckhand or cook. They ask for a minimum one-month commitment, though, and I’d hate for that to interfere with my burgeoning opera career.
BARRY: Tell them you have your own costume, albeit a Valkyrie one. Wrong era and wrong country, but it’s still cool. They might let you make guest appearances.
LISA: It would not be the best history lesson to have a Viking shieldmaiden on a Columbus ship. Maybe I could stand there with a parrot on my shoulder and muddle up three seafaring eras at once.
BARRY: Spectrum, the live auction and gala to benefit the Hunter Museum of American Art is Thursday and Saturday. The big shindig on Saturday is sold out, but there’s a waiting list in case anybody cancels.
Also sold out is the the concert by Nobel Prize-winning musician Bob Dylan at the Tivoli Theatre on Sunday. Dylan says being awarded the prize left him speechless… for more than two weeks. It’s kind of funny because he didn’t even take calls from the Nobel Foundation when they tried to tell him about the honor.
Get event details every Thursday in ChattanoogaNow or online anytime at www.ChattanoogaNow.com.
Contact Barry Courter at bcourter@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6354. Contact Lisa Denton at ldenton@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6281.