Adult Separation Anxiety
Dr. Katherine Shear, a psychologist and professor at Columbia University, and her colleagues released a study of Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder in 2006. It was based on thousands of responses to the National Co-morbidity Survey Replication, a national mental health survey taken between 2001 and 2003.Here are some findings:* 4.1 percent. U.S. children who will suffer from Separation Anxiety Disorder.* 6.6 percent. U.S. adults who will suffer from Separation Anxiety Disorder.* 36.1 percent. Children who had a case of Separation Anxiety Disorder that persisted into adulthood.* 77.5 percent. Adults who had their first case of Separation Anxiety Disorder in adulthood.The study found that the ages for onset of Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder were:1. 30-44 years2. 18-29 years3. 45-59 years4. 60-plus years
The hardest part of being a mom has been to let my four kids go.
It started with kindergarten, then summer camp, college, grad school and adulthood.
Decades ago, the staff at my oldest daughter’s pre-kindergarten class asked me, very nicely mind you, to leave the premises because my daughter, Kacee, kept getting glimpses of me outside her classroom and wouldn’t stop crying. It didn’t help that I was crying, too.
At 8, when Kacee attended summer camp for the first time, she cried to come home from camp after reading a tearjerker letter I wrote and packed in her suitcase.
I cried when school started back every fall.
And one time, when my second daughter, Karah, was leaving for grad school after a weekend visit home, I cried so hard I made myself seriously ill. Turns out it was a gall bladder attack and I had to have surgery but, at the time, I was sure it was triggered by my pathetic wailing.
I inherited this insane over-active sensitivity gene from my late father. I remember the two of us standing in his driveway crying like babies when my youngest son, Kit, left for grad school in California. My mother shook her head, calling us nut cases.
So here I am, 63, a grandmother of three, and as equally attached to my grandkids as I am my own children. But thankfully, I’ve matured. It’s taken effort, but I’ve learned to let go.
I retired last April with a commitment to helping keep my three grandchildren – Tilleigh, 9, Evie 6, and William, 3 – when they’re out of school. And that’s what I’ve been doing. But when the kids started back to school a couple weeks ago, instead of crying, I kind of celebrated – and I don’t feel a tad of guilt. I absolutely love being with my grandchildren, but I also love my down time.
I am beside-myself giddy that I don’t have a daily schedule. For the most part, until school holidays take place, I can do whatever the heck I want.
Today I had lunch with former co-workers.
Tomorrow I’m planting flowers.
The next day? Lunch with more friends.
I don’t want to make ongoing commitments with organizations, etc., because of the kids. In addition to keeping them when school is out, I’ll also take care of them when they’re not feeling well and can’t go to school.
Meanwhile, I’m doing the daily chores of housecleaning, but I’m also factoring in some “me” time. I had no idea retirement would be as enjoyable as it is. It’s like a gift for being old.
I know I’m fortunate that my husband (who’s not retired) and I are in a situation where we have a home that’s ours and food on the table. Not all retirees have that security. But I had a long, successful career and I’m accepting this new phase of my life with gratitude.
I’ll turn 64 at the end of this month, and, instead of feeling old, I’m feeling free. And I’m loving it.
Contact Karen Nazor Hill at khill@timesfreepress.com.