Christmas morning of this past year, 2017 (and can you believe we are already in 2018?), dawned clear and cold at our house. By cold, I mean that the air temperature was 34 degrees.
I know that my friends up in the Northeast and out in the Midwest scoff at such “moderate” temps, but for us, 34 degrees qualifies as downright frigid. But the cold was going to get infinitely worse for us, thanks to a tradition that my son insisted on the year before.
This would be year two of the annual Wagner polar plunge.
The waters of the Broad River in front of our house were beckoning, but not welcomingly. The wind was blowing, the grass was crunching under our feet, and three of five Wagners were taking each step toward the icy abyss with trepidation. Those three would be me, my son and my youngest daughter.
My wife and oldest daughter, for their part, would serve as videographer (wife) and heckler in chief (daughter). Sensible, those two, I cannot deny that.
After smiling and saying a few brave words to the camera, I bolted for the water, with my daughter hot on my heels. I did not want to give myself the chance to chicken out, and she is lightning in a bottle just waiting for a chance to be let loose. My son hesitated just a moment, and then he too broke into a run. I dove in headfirst, then my girl, then my son.
There is no sensation on Earth like that. None.
All three of us came up out of the water gasping, wide-eyed and with racing hearts. Aléthia was the first one out of the water; she ran past the camera screaming the entire way. Caleb was next, and he was chattering “c-c-c-c-cold!” I brought up the rear, shaking my head and wondering what ever possessed me to do this.
The next few hours were mixtures of laughing and whining about how awful it all was. Jesus turned water to wine. We Wagners turned water to whine.
But it was worth it all, and infinitely more, and we most assuredly plan on doing it again. You see, it is those moments that make some other very important moments so much easier.
In John 14:15, Jesus told his disciples, ” If ye love me, keep my commandments.” As God the Son and the Son of God, he had and has every right simply to demand that his commands be followed. He made us, he became flesh for us, he died for us, and he rose again for us. Any command he gives could be stated as a demand and could rightfully be stated forcefully. But Jesus tied our obedience to our love for him.
There is something unfathomably crucial to that, especially in the parent/child relationship.
Later on in the day my son, 18 years of age, asked if he could do something. At that age, he still asks my permission and that of his mother. Many times we say yes, but in this particular case I said no. Parents, how well does it normally go when you say no to a child of any age, but especially to one pretty much fully grown?
His response was a simple “yes, sir,” with no pushback at all.
Please do not misunderstand me. I am not bragging, nor proclaiming myself to be an expert on child-rearing, nor am I telling you that we do not have issues of stubbornness and rebellion to deal with from time to time. I am telling you that those times have been pleasantly rare and resolved pretty well. I am also stating unequivocally that moments spent building bonds of love with children leads naturally to moments of pleasant compliance.
In that sense, we did not just turn water into whine, but also into a willingness to obey. A parent who barks commands without ever winning the heart of his or her children is creating a paradigm in which fear or force is the only motivating factor to obey. And while children should have a reverential fear of their parents, that motivator will always be less effective when they are not in your presence or have grown to twice your size.
Love is a better motivator. Even if it means freezing your wet posterior off on a cold, windy Christmas morning.
Bo Wagner is pastor of Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, N.C., a widely traveled evangelist and the author of several books available on Amazon and at www.wordofhismouth.com. Email him at 2knowhim@cbc-web.org.