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Greeson: Bert and Ernie become PC puppets because of a lack of ‘Street’ smarts

In this May 9, 2006, file photo, Ernie and Bert of "Sesame Street" pose in front of the Queen Mary II in the harbor of Hamburg, Germany. The producers of "Sesame Street" tweeted Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2018, that Bert and Ernie are not gay in response to a Queerty interview published Sunday, Sept. 16, 2018, with a former writer for the show who said he considered the puppets lovers. (AP Photo/Fabian Bimmer, File)
In this May 9, 2006, file photo, Ernie and Bert of "Sesame Street" pose in front of the Queen Mary II in the harbor of Hamburg, Germany. The producers of "Sesame Street" tweeted Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2018, that Bert and Ernie are not gay in response to a Queerty interview published Sunday, Sept. 16, 2018, with a former writer for the show who said he considered the puppets lovers. (AP Photo/Fabian Bimmer, File) In this May 9, 2006, file photo, Ernie and Bert of "Sesame Street" pose in front of the Queen Mary II in the harbor of Hamburg, Germany. The producers of "Sesame Street" tweeted Tuesday, Sept. 18, 2018, that Bert and Ernie are not gay in response to a Queerty interview published Sunday, Sept. 16, 2018, with a former writer for the show who said he considered the puppets lovers. (AP Photo/Fabian Bimmer, File)

By Jay Greeson 3 min read

Because, well, it’s so today.

Here’s a story on a former writer for TV’s “Sesame Street” saying that Bert and Ernie are gay.

Mark Saltzman, a former writer for the show and the longtime buddies/roommates, confirmed to the LGBTQ website Queerty that Bert and Ernie were way more than just friends.

photo Jay Greeson

Why? Do we really need to make everything a dividing line, everything a political statement?

Quickly after the story appeared on Queerty, the directors of the Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit organization behind the show, issued a statement that cut to the heart of the matter:

“As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Exactly. They are puppets. They are asexual, neither homosexual nor heterosexual, and now we are forced to stare into this deep topic as 3-year-olds learn to count and 5-year-olds hope to see their favorite cast member.

Now, of course, this has become a tug-of-war about serious issues and stances and handwringing and the PC social media morality mob throwing around a billion exclamation points.

But the biggest issue for so many of us is lost. This is not about gay or straight. It’s about a kids show not needing a conversation about sexual orientation.

So if we’re going down this path, what about the rest of the “Sesame Street” gang up and down the block? Let’s get to it.

Are we going to identify the sexual habits of Kermit D. Frog and his fondness for makin’ bacon?

Is Oscar going to be the face of homelessness, and thusly are we worried about offending the less fortunate by making the assumption that all homeless people are stinky and grouchy?

Should Big Bird be affixed with a mental disease diagnosis or accused of taking hallucinogenic drugs because only he could see his mammoth-like friend Mr. Snuffleupagus for a number of years?

What about Cookie Monster and his awful eating habits? How can he possibly binge eat and not gain a pound? Did he purge and we just didn’t know it? Did he have an eating disorder, maybe?

And let’s not even get started on Elmo and the potential of inappropriate touching.

Is this ridiculous? Of course it is. We are talking about puppets on a kids’ show. Heck, half of them do not wear pants.

Even Frank Oz, the original voice of Bert and one of the co-creators of the Muppets with Jim Henson, thought sexually identifying the classic duo was needless.

Here’s the social media post from Oz: “It seems Mr. Mark Saltzman was asked if Bert & Ernie are gay. It’s fine that he feels they are. They’re not, of course. But why that question? Does it really matter? Why the need to define people as only gay? There’s much more to a human being than just straightness or gayness.”

Like understanding from a very young age that having a best friend that accepts you – warts and all – is the gift of a lifetime.

Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6343.