Whether it is your first child or your last child to leave the nest, it can be a very traumatic time for parents. It’s easy to start second-guessing yourself about how well you have prepared them to be out on their own. And then there are the thoughts swirling around in your head about how things will be different at home. You tell yourself this is what you’ve been working toward all these years, but there’s just something about letting go.
Thousands of young people go to college, leaving their parents wondering what they will do with all this new time on their hands. While they understand that their role has changed, they are not quite sure what that means. Those who have already braved the transition knowingly encourage parents who are just beginning the journey.
There is no question your role as parent shifts as your young adult grows even more independent. It definitely helps to focus on the idea that your child is becoming his/her own person and pursuing his/her dreams. Some parents really mourn this milestone, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is for sure a shift. Now, you get to watch them spread their wings while you are kind of in the background being supportive and encouraging as well as providing a safe place for them to come for rest.
For those who are beginning this adventure, it might be helpful to know a few things. Not everybody deals with this transition the same way. One parent may be experiencing tremendous grief while the other is excited, not just for their college student but also for the transition at home. Be careful not to judge. Instead, make time for conversation to check in with each other to see how each of you is navigating through the change.
Talk about ways you can proactively encourage your student while also caring for your own needs. Since you are going from seeing your son or daughter every day to not seeing them, it might be helpful to write them weekly letters. Students say there is nothing better than going to their mailbox and actually having real mail. Periodic phone calls are great for staying connected, but letters are something they can keep and read over and over again.