DEAR ABBY: I had weight-loss surgery three years ago and lost 134 pounds. Two years later, I traded addictions and became a problem drinker. During this time I met a man, but my drinking came between us and we broke up. I stopped drinking three months ago. He contacted me and, when he found out I had quit drinking, we had lunch and talked and we are now dating again.
After a week of dating, he said, “I notice you are eating more than when we dated before. Have you stretched out your stomach?” I said, “No, because I’m no longer drinking, I now eat three meals a day.” He said, “I sure don’t want you to gain back all that weight you lost!”
My feelings are very hurt and I’m even a bit angry. I really do like him. What should I say to him that will convey my feelings? I want to stand up for myself without being crass. – TRYING AGAIN IN ARKANSAS
DEAR TRYING: The next time you are face-to-face, say, “I would like to revisit something you said to me recently. You said, ‘Have you stretched out your stomach? I sure don’t want you to gain back all that weight you lost!’ It was really hurtful. Surely you know I don’t want to gain back all the weight either, nor do I intend to. But if eating healthfully means I’ll carry a few more pounds than I did when I was drinking, you will either have to accept it or I will have to stop seeing you.”
DEAR ABBY: I’m 69 and a retired military man. My wife passed away almost two years ago. I’m very fond of a single neighbor who is 30 and has two children. She has been inviting me for supper at her house at least three times a week and when I leave, we hug. I’d like to kiss her but I don’t know if I should ask first or tell her I’m getting attached to her. How do I find out if she has feelings for me? – PUZZLED IN THE SOUTH