The other day, I was at my kids’ school, deep in conversation with my wife and another parent. Then, here comes our 6-year-old daughter, on a mission. She goes right around my wife to ask me if she could go play on the playground. My wife responds, “Hey, I’m right here, and Dad is talking.” This didn’t faze my daughter at all. She had a question and thought I had the answer. My wife and I are very much partners in parenting. Still, we recognize that I often serve as the default parent.
– What does “default parent” mean?
Default means a preselected option. We all know what parent means. So what’s a default parent? They are the one who carries the load in parenting (assuming there are two parents present). According to a 2014 Huffington Post article, they’re responsible for their children’s emotional, physical and logistical needs.
If you’re the default parent, you probably already know it without having to think about it. Your child comes to you when they need anything (sometimes physically bypassing the other parent). You’re the one who coordinates the schedules, sets appointments (and makes sure they get there), nurses injuries, ensures all school needs are met and serves as the first point of contact for school or day care. You also feel the pressure to take the lead on anything new that pops up, like school meetings or appointments.
– How does one become the default parent?