With the entire world aflutter about Elon Musk potentially buying Twitter, my differently wired brain has been musing on what it would have been like for the most important being in all of history to be on it, namely Jesus himself. And so:
“So explain to me again why I actually need this,” Jesus said to John with a distinct sound of skepticism in his voice.
“Because, Lord,” John said respectfully, “most of what you do and say, as great as it is, is only seen and heard by a relative handful of people. With Twitter, you will be able to get your messages and your miracles out to a much wider audience, all at once. Just imagine how many more followers you will have and how enjoyable it will be!”
Sure enough, when word got out that Jesus had a profile, he was swamped with followers.
“Excellent!” he said, “John really called this one. So, let’s see, what shall my first tweet be? I know; let’s do one about hell. Everyone needs to know about that place. Here we go: ‘And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments.'”